The People Magazine Diet

I've been reading People magazine for many years now, so if there's one thing I know, it's how to diet like a celebrity.  They all eat exactly the same things and People always announces it as if this particular celebrity has discovered some secret, previously unknown food combination that dissolves body fat (and makes your skin glow like the sun, gives you limitless energy, introduces you to the perfect mate, and enhances your career).

So this week I see on the cover that Christina Aguiliera has lost some weight, and is going to share her weight loss secret inside this issue.  It says "How She Lost the Weight," like there's a detailed account of her food intake, or lack thereof, and her specific exercise regimen, specially designed to maximize the fat shedding.  I'm intrigued.  Did she do something different from every other celebrity?

I bet she didn't.  In fact, I'm going to predict what she says before opening the magazine.  My prediction is she eats fruit and maybe whole grain oatmeal for breakfast; a salad with lots of veggies and fat free dressing for lunch; and salmon and steamed kale or asparagus for dinner.  I'm sure she drinks a couple gallons of Evian a day.  She probably allows herself to have a slice of pizza on the third Sunday of every month, because it's important not to starve yourself.

Oh, and then exercise - I bet she runs 3 miles 4 times a week and does yoga because it calms her after a stressful day of being rich and famous.

Some celebrities do the name diets: Jenny Craig, Weight Watchers, Nutrisystem.  Some do the fruit/salad/salmon diet, which I call the People Magazine diet.  I can't do it, I hate salmon.  If I could substitute salmon for, say, shrimp or cod, or even chicken or turkey, then it might be a possibility.  But salads every day?  After a few days, don't you just want to scream every time you see a lettuce leaf?

I saw Renee Zellweger interviewed once and asked what she does to stay so trim.  She admitted "America does not want to know."  She said she has fruit and coffee for breakfast, and I forget what she said she eats the rest of the day.  Salad and salmon, probably.  It sounded pretty brutal, that I do remember.

Okay so, I'm looking up the Christina article......

And it doesn't even say what she eats.  At all.  No veggies are mentioned.  No talk of salmon.  It just says she eats "healthier" and exercises, and maybe most importantly she dresses in slimming little black dresses, instead of pink and purple tube dresses and then jutting her boobs out in what was probably supposed to be a "whatever, I may be a little bigger but I'm still hot" pose.  Bless her heart.  I can't imagine living in that spotlight.  Where every bad fashion decision and double cheeseburger is captured on video.